Trauma Queen
"The Trauma Within" is a weekly podcast hosted by Jimanekia, a Trauma and Sexual Assault expert, queer media consultant, and comprehensive sex educator. Join us as we normalize conversations about life's most challenging experiences, from sexual assault to mental health and beyond. Discover stories of resilience, expert insights, and a safe space for discussing some of life's most complex topics. Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/traumaqueen/support
Trauma Queen
The Trauma Within Balancing Public Life and Wrestling Journalism W/ Sean Ross Sapp
Do you have any questions, any comments about the episode? Jimanekia would love to hear from you!
Ever wondered how a passion for football and pro wrestling can shape a person’s life and career? In this episode, we sit down with Sean Ross Sapp, part-owner of Fightful and a die-hard Cincinnati Bengals season ticket holder. Sean reflects on his journey from humble beginnings in a trailer to becoming a prominent figure in wrestling journalism. We explore his deep-rooted love for Kentucky, the impact of loss and trauma, and how these experiences have molded his resilient character.
Navigating the tumultuous waters of online harassment, Sean and I share our battles with trolls and stalkers, revealing the emotional toll and the strategies we've employed to maintain our sanity. From receiving invaluable advice from the late Bray Wyatt to experiencing a bizarre turn of events with a persistent harasser, we delve into the significance of maintaining perspective amidst negativity. This chapter serves as a candid eye-opener to the harsh realities of living life in the public eye.
Our conversation takes a heartfelt turn as we discuss the profound impact of losing loved ones and the emotional rollercoaster that follows. Whether it's the grief of losing a grandparent or the absurdity of social media drama, we highlight the importance of resilience, community support, and finding solace in small connections. Join us as we wrap up with exciting future plans, travel anecdotes, and the joys and challenges of balancing a hectic career with personal aspirations, all while leading a thriving enterprise in the niche world of pro wrestling and MMA journalism.
Thank you all for listening. Set a boundary with yourself this week, set a boundary with someone else. If someone else does not respect that boundary. LET THEM LOOSE YOU! Stay hydrated internally and externally. We do not have an ashy family.
IG: @The_Trauma_Within
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@thetraumawithin
Jimanekia Ig: @Jimanekia
Sean Rostap is a part owner of Fightful and, more importantly, a Cincinnati Bengals season ticket holder. Y'all buckle up for this convo. It might be what you think, but probably not Okay. So some of you came here because you thought you were going to hear some messy shit and others came for we'll find out what you came for, but regardless, I have a lovely human on the show today who I'm super excited to talk to. I love my first question that I do ask everyone. This also convo is going to be fluid like a Gemini, but the first question of the show who are you?
Speaker 1:I am a person who writes wrestling gossip and news on the internet and likes the Cincinnati Bengals.
Speaker 2:Sean Ross.
Speaker 1:Sapp is who I am.
Speaker 2:How did we meet? I want to hear how you remember it.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. I mean obviously connected via wrestling in some capacity. We met in person. Was it Vegas or Nashville? They both are, so Nashville I call Southern Vegas, so all my trips to Nashville I get confused with Vegas in general, and it didn't help that there were Summer Slams in both places, yeah, so that often throws me for a loop, but I believed it was vegas in person when we met. What was it? It was either wale mania or a gcw karaoke thing, maybe there's so there you go, because see, listen, those two aren't that different either.
Speaker 1:One is just the gcw version of wale mania to on a much, much, much smaller scale. It's just different budgets. Yes, exactly, but it's just like a little bit, just like a little different um one one does not have kazim famu ya day and the other one does, and that's the real difference and that you know what you decide.
Speaker 2:You decide which one you want to take a chance on. So the show is called trauma queen and I think that there is such a distinctness of trauma for everyone and I think that everyone experiences differently. But what does trauma mean to you?
Speaker 1:Well, I mean there's physical trauma and then of course there there's emotional trauma. I mean physical trauma is something that I live, I've lived with a lot longer than emotional trauma, because emotional is something I don't feel like I really experienced until recently, especially looking in perspective of things that I thought really affected me before. But at least physical trauma, or you know the bumps and bruises I've had along the way, but I mean emotional trauma. Certainly I equate that with loss, great loss for me personally, because I've been fortunate to not experience as much of it in other senses.
Speaker 2:Sure, All right, let's jump in Kentucky. Tell me about it. I've never been sure.
Speaker 1:All right, let's jump in kentucky, tell me about it. I've never been. I love it here. I love it here, so much so. And and there's no nowhere else I'd rather live, although I'm sure you've seen the movie us yeah okay, I call north carolina kentucky'sether.
Speaker 1:Everything's just a little bit slower. We got the same kind of foods but it's just a little bit weirder there. The accents are just a little bit different there, so I could, I could make it there, but man, I love it here so much. Now I like where I grew up, which is an extremely rural area, but I actually grew up in the one small urban part of those areas and then kind of moved around. But since then we've relocated to Lexington and it is. It is just, it is my city.
Speaker 2:I am within an hour.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm within an hour of three airports. Uh, I love the city so much. The city is growing around us, cause we were just on the outskirts and now they're bringing a bunch of stuff here. I love it here. Um, we get every every season in a week.
Speaker 2:It's wonderful I don't think I could do that.
Speaker 1:You have snow oh boy, so do we ever have snow.
Speaker 2:I hate it?
Speaker 1:do we ever have snow? Now there will be winters where you get one snow and that's it, or you'll get it back to back for a month straight, like you. It's really, really hard to predict. For example, like I went to the arnold sports festival, I want to say like eight, nine years ago and we left with a foot of snow on the ground. We came back two days later and you had no idea it snowed and it was 65 degrees. So, like we, we experienced everything in March or April. You stand just as much of a shot of it being like 30 degrees as 75 or 80.
Speaker 2:Well, it's like 103 here in SoCal, so I'm like I don't know.
Speaker 1:We got the humidity, though. It's like you're walking through soup when you're outside here, like you walk outside and you immediately sweat I always refer to as like walking into someone's mouth fair like that's.
Speaker 1:That is. That is a pretty good comparison and it's like this, it's just like that, so much especially because we have the hills and the trees and all that stuff here, like I am in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains, effectively. So the first time that I drove a little bit north or a little bit west, I was amazed that there was flat land, like I didn't know that that was a thing that existed. I didn't know you could go somewhere and look and see like a mile down the road, because I had never experienced that before.
Speaker 2:It's all mountains out here interesting. You often talk about like being in kentucky and like growing up in a trailer. I think I I see it as like someone that's like. I just want you to remember I do know where the fuck I came from, because people try to act like you don't. What was that like for you? Like? What was baby Sean like? Were you this opinionated? Did you have thoughts? Were you investigated? I was so cute.
Speaker 1:No, I didn't get opinionated until I realized that I could take care of myself in a physical stance and all that. When I finally overcame that because I was really undersized growing up and all that and I wanted to play sports. But until I found track and amateur wrestling, I didn't really have the ability to do that. But once I got into MMA and pro wrestling I was like, okay, I feel a little bit more confident voicing my opinion in that regard. But I just I loved sports and I came from a place where there wasn't much else to do but watch what sports were on TV and watch wrestling and boxing and MMA and literally anything like that that you could get your hands on. There just wasn't. There were no recreation outside of the sports that we did. There weren't arcades here, there weren't like water parks here or amusement parks or anything like that.
Speaker 2:So I I turned to sports and wrestling did you know that you had adhd young, or is this like an older understanding of self?
Speaker 1:oh no, it was. It was very, but it took a while for them to realize what it was. I didn't realize it was counseling and therapy. At the time I just was like, hey, you're going to comprehend and you're talking with this nice woman named Kelly and there's a bunch of cool toys in her office.
Speaker 1:And I didn't realize, and I don't know when ADHD really came to the forefront or whatever, but I went from excelling in school to not excelling in school overnight. My kindergarten first, second grade, I was well advanced from where I should have been and in third grade I just I didn't care, I didn't care. Then I got medicated, um, and it was very beneficial for me for a number of years. But after that grade four, five, six, seven I was, I was on point. I was helped greatly by that and at the time so it's funny because I didn't interview with cody rhodes and like people have joked about it because I said, yeah, my mom thought that wrestling gave me adhd. I didn't mean she thought that it gave me adhd. She thought that's what led to my hyperactivity. She thought that was the reason. It was because I watched wrestling it.
Speaker 1:And yes, because obviously I did like, but she thought that's what led to the hyperactivity and the lack of focus. Was this because there was no other thing to blame? Like there?
Speaker 1:you couldn't blame like weren't problems at home or anything like that. But then they realized no, it's a thing that he's got, it's a disorder, it's ADHD. And when my mom especially understood that greatly, that helped out immensely and she was so far ahead of a lot of other mothers in that time that would be in denial over that, and I think it's probably because she's in the medical field as well denial over that, and I think it's probably because she's in the medical field as well.
Speaker 2:Nice, I know a lot of folks in my life that have ADHD. I know I for sure have ADD. Do you think you use it as like a superpower? Because I think for sure I'm over here doing 20 things all the time. Sometimes it's helpful.
Speaker 1:So I have a three monitor setup for my, my computer like I, so I am always doing multiple things yeah for the job that I specifically do.
Speaker 1:yes, absolutely. Now there there are some days that are very crippling and I can't accomplish anything and sure, I'm just like, all right, I gotta, I gotta take off. I'll go up to cincinnati, go some shoes or something, come back, sit down at the desk, like just get away. There are some days I don't even try and I've been unmedicated since my senior year of high school and that can be a good thing and a bad thing, yeah, yeah, but I was on Ritalin and be 110 pounds or do I want to.
Speaker 1:You know, actually eat right and, you know, grow as a human being physically. But there are times when I've been like, okay, I need to take like a focus supplement or something like that. Um, but there are definitely times where it's benefited me and I spoke to Nick Comoroto, who's in AEW, and we had a wonderful talk and it was so funny the things that we realized he hyper-focused on working out and math. Those are the two things I struggle with. I'll do a set and I'm like I'm bored and when it comes to math, I can't focus on it, but then there were things that I hyper focus on that he couldn't. So it is really unique to the individual.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Speaking of like, when there's days that you just can't, I am always talking about mental health and I I love that, since the pandemic people are like, oh yeah, we should give a fuck. Um, what has your mental health journey been like? I'm not.
Speaker 1:let me finish before working in this industry and currently I am infinitely more thin-skinned now than I was before because I, within my town, in my area, I got along with everybody, had a lot of friends, all that stuff still do. But you don't get criticized for literally nothing. In a town of 200, like there are more people that have said like out, made up things about me than lived in the town that I just moved out. Of. So like if somebody in my town would have said anything like some of the town that I just moved out of. So like if somebody in my town would have said anything like some of the things that are said about me online, like there's gotta be a reason, like it's not just oh, he likes something or does something or his job.
Speaker 1:That's just not a thing that exists where I come from. So it's not the easiest thing to adapt to and everybody wants to be universally loved, unless it's their job to be hated. But that's definitely a thing. Like I am way more hypersensitive, not to criticism, just to the reality of that. Some people are just kind of weird and I'm like what can they be saved? Do they want to be saved in that sense? Uh, but yeah, definitely that is a major thing that has changed since I started to work in wrestling, because it just wasn't a thing that I needed to factor in when I'm working at a gnc or something like that so how do you take care of it?
Speaker 2:because it's it literally, is you just wake up and someone's like fuck, you die.
Speaker 1:You're like good morning to you as well, I mean there's a guy right now on Twitter who has posted a picture of my dead grandmother 45 times in the last two days.
Speaker 2:Oh, you're mad at me.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, did I offer to fly him across the country? Yes, I did.
Speaker 2:Okay, maybe we're the same, but okay, we're back.
Speaker 1:We're not that different. He didn't take me up on that, but quitter I mean, that's what I try to think of is like OK, how would his loved ones react if they would see this tweet? A thing that I'll often say to these people is I will pay you X amount of dollars if you read this tweet out loud to a loved one on video and get their reaction, because I want to see what they say to you when you act like this over pro wrestling or even just somebody you don't like in pro wrestling. Even if I said something that you don't like, maybe I told you to read the article or something. That's how I've come to terms with it recently. And actually Bray Wyatt had messaged me I want to say gosh, about a, a year before his passing and he he was like hey, I see this stuff and here's how I always dealt with it. And then he said how many people do you have that follow you and that subscribe and all that stuff?
Speaker 2:And I him a number and he goes you don't have one percent of that many people that don't like you and come on, man, I was like you know what I was like that that's a good point, that's a good wow it is perspective, but also it's like I'm just trying to exist and that's hard oh, I get people not liking my job, for sure.
Speaker 1:but just so you don't like my job or my work, I'm not going to be hurt by that but, it's like people bled your life.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, oh, I mean, I've had had people threaten my wife, Um, I mean, there were. There was a guy who his aunt had him committed because of the things that he was saying about my co-host and about my wife. Really, oh my gosh. So I've never told this story publicly, but I will now.
Speaker 1:There was a situation where a person got my phone number, or they got my wife's phone number. They didn't get my phone number, but then I messaged them, got them away from that. They didn't get my phone number, but then I messaged them, got them away from that and I immediately, based on the things that that person said, reached out to a PI to find out who it was, because I was going to press charges immediately. So the PI was on a four or five hour drive back to somewhere they needed to be and I was calling and updating them Myself and a friend that you know, share delaware, poked into it and we noticed a lot of common misspellings that this person had that weren't so common she's so good so we just cross-referenced that with tweets to me and there was one guy across multiple accounts who was tweeting this hateful stuff and, uh, I pressed charges and they said you know, there's not a lot we can do.
Speaker 1:Kentucky to LA. Well, I guess, not. So fortunate, he lived about 45 minutes away from one of my co-hosts in California, so I was able to take that information. I sent it to a loved one and I said, hey, just so you know, this is what this dude's been doing. And he actually lived with his aunt and she said, no, there's no way, there's no way. And two days later she messaged me and she said I owe you an apology. He has been pretending he's been going to work and then going to McDonald's or hotels with wifi and sitting there all day and he had harassed and threatened over 50 different people and they ended up committing him, and then she told me that he was being evaluated.
Speaker 1:Then she told me he was staying and actually recently I want to say in the last two or three months he's re-emerged on twitter as like a, as like a very positive account, including towards me. I'll send you the account later, but, uh, okay, yeah, uh, it was, it was I'm glad he got the help that he needed because it was.
Speaker 1:It was the kind of things where I was like is dude gonna diaper up and drive across the country and you know, try to pull some shit which you never know. People do you never know people do we?
Speaker 2:we know what happened to dario, having people break into homes and you know it's. I think people take light of the internet and they're like it's just the internet. I'm like yes, and ain't just the internet. Yeah, ain't just the internet no, how do you try to keep yourself safe now, like what do boundaries look like? What does that mean for you? Since you are on the internet, it's like you can leave yeah.
Speaker 1:So I mean, I ended up actually there. There, share delaware helped me with a cyber stalker that I got a few years ago because that, because I reached out to this person, because they I know right, but this person got very fixated just because I had reached out and said, hey, please explain to me this tweet, because I don't think I understand what you're upset about. And they developed an immediate parasocial relationship and I was like, okay, parasocial relationship. And I was like, okay, none of that unless I know the person interpersonally, or one degree of separation is my limit. One degree of separation.
Speaker 1:You, you gotta have a reference at this point. And and if I happen to meet you or you know one of my subscribers that I've known for a long time knows you or something. One of my subscribers that I've known for a long time knows you or something? Yeah, other than that, I don't put loved ones on Twitter. They're still on my Instagram and stuff like that. I have isolated other social media that I don't have. I don't do Facebook or anything like that anymore. I'll tell you a mistake that I made very early on. Here's a mistake I made very early on when I first got a snapchat account. It was a completely incognito name but like my own friends wouldn't add me back because they didn't know it was me at the time, like it was an incognito name, so I was like, ah, gotta, gotta do my real.
Speaker 1:Well, I didn't change it when I started to get popular in wrestling and unfortunately, I had a show with Vince Russo, unfortunately, and this was like six months after I had canned him and I open up my Snapchat and I've got a snap and it is a giant erect penis.
Speaker 2:I it was gonna be a dick and I just knew.
Speaker 1:And it said fuck vince russo. In all caps on it, like across it, like across the, and they were perpendicular okay, emphasis on the dick. It was perpendicular so upwards a penis across. Fuck vince russo. In all caps. And I'm like, I'm like the 50 cent meme, I'm like why he say fuck me for what did I?
Speaker 2:do I.
Speaker 1:I don't work with him, but I did reply and I said well, it looks like with that thing you could. But like that was that's a lesson that I learned as well.
Speaker 2:Like okay, on your private socials, protect yourself there too do you have like an online personality and just sean at home, or is this just who you are?
Speaker 1:the way that I say is I never say something to or about anyone in any capacity that I wouldn't say to them directly or to their face period. If I'm telling some, if somebody is being a jerk to me and I react, I would. I would 100% say that to them Um, you ain't going to hit me any harder than UFC fighters that I used to train with hit me. They're way better at it than anybody on the internet. But like, but no, I'm pretty well the same way on Twitter as I am in person. It's just I don't talk about wrestling as much in person Because when it consumes my life online and at work, I'm just like I don't want to do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we'll get to wrestling eventually, because we have to. But what brings you joy? I think that's such a thing that we don't talk about football brings me joy football brings me joy.
Speaker 1:I love football. Um, wow, I like competing. I like even if it's like like me and my wife compete a lot like anything oh my gosh, so much, so much, and she wasn't.
Speaker 1:She's not an athlete, she's not like a competitor. But we went on our honeymoon to niagara falls and we did like they have a very competitive go-kart thing and we started 23rd and 24th and finished first and second. Had we raced anybody but each other, we would have been middle of the pack maybe, but it's just because we were out there like that. That's all that that was. But we like arcades, activate games, stuff like that, like any way that we can compete, we do because that's entertaining for us, like that's, that's what I like to do. And yeah, like pro wrestling, like actual wrestling, satisfied my competitive urges for a long time. So that was helpful. And then getting a story right helped satisfy my competitive urges a little bit. I think my ultimate goal was like just to be the best in the world at something for at least some period of time. Whether it be like mopping a floor or work like being the best target cashier, whatever it was, I just wanted to be the best in the world at something for a short period of time at least.
Speaker 2:Do you think that's attached to the ADHD?
Speaker 1:Yes, 100% attached to the ADHD, because when you have ADHD, it can sometimes be difficult to follow through on goals. It's not difficult to create goals. I've got a million different goals. That's why, like the reason why my YouTube channel isn't at 500,000 views is the same reason why it's gotten to a hundred and some thousand. If I would have separated all the different ideas that I had and did individual channels for them, I probably would have been more successful individually than collectively.
Speaker 1:But I was like no, I want to do this, this, this, this, this, this and this, and they all sort of came together. So, yes, I absolutely think that that's related to ADHD.
Speaker 2:Do you do any work outside of Fightful?
Speaker 1:Sort of. I mean I do charity work and fundraiser stuff. I did volunteer up until the last few months at different places. Usually it would be my God, why am I drawing a blanket where I volunteered at NAMI? Obviously I would help promote NAMI walks and things like that. We do a lot of fundraisers at Ironfish Gym in Maysville, kentucky Since 2016,. I've been really tunnel vision on Fightful and doing that type of stuff. Occasionally I would pick up outside wrestling work. I've done a hobby bingles podcast that somebody approached me about turning into work and I was like no, not doing that, it changes it real quick. Yeah, yeah, not, not. Not doing that. Salvation army. That's where I don't volunteer. That, my God, it was. I was drawing a blank there, but yeah, here and there, but mostly Fightful consumes my life.
Speaker 2:All right. Well, we're here. Now we're at the door, Let us in. How the fuck did you get into Fightful? How do you partially own excuse me, let's get language how do you partially own this, something that has grown to be such a magical place for so many people?
Speaker 1:So I worked for free for Bill after for five years and that ended up being one of the best decisions I ever made. Um, listen, I was broke as hell, I was poor as hell, I was struggling, but I wanted to. Just, I wanted to write for Bill after because he had such an influential part of my life when I wasn't allowed to watch wrestling. When I was younger I would read his magazines. I did every job I could in and around wrestling and MMA commentary, taping hands, managing fighters, teaching kickboxing training and all those Every bit of experience I could get. I went through a couple jobs what Culture Wrestling Inc. And I was about to leave Wrestling Inc, actually over a pay dispute, because I was tired of being poor.
Speaker 1:And I got an email from a fellow from Toronto and it was almost like it was meant to be because I never cared about leaving Kentucky. But the one place I looked at and said, man, that'd be cool was Toronto. And that's because when I was little they had the cool new baseball stadium with the roof that opened and closed. Their football or their baseball team was really good. They had the new NBA team in the 90s. So I was like, oh, oh, that'd be cool. And he hit me up and he goes hey, I'm thinking about starting a hybrid pro wrestling MMA website and, quite literally, the way that I was taught to pro wrestle is a hybrid of MMA and pro wrestling. It's catch wrestling. It's what pro wrestling was before it turned scripted and he reached out to bill after and bill after said yes, this is absolutely your guy, you should do it. And there was a wage that I had in mind and I said, if I made that and it was very low wage I said if I could make that and just do what I love, I would be happy. And he met that wage and exceeded it and said he had told me before. He's like if you stay loyal to me, I'll stay loyal to you. I never forgot that. And, um, that's that's how it started.
Speaker 1:And eventually I mean he he took sixure losses for a very long time on FIFO.
Speaker 1:And then finally I want to say 2021, we broke a few really big stories and that made us not profitable, but we were finally cutting into the debt.
Speaker 1:And then 2022 hit and I had had some really nice offers elsewhere. So he knew that he had to do a little bit more to retain me because the reality is I could just leave, do my own Patreon, do my own YouTube and make significantly more and say sorry, you're stuck with all those losses you accrued over the years, partial ownership of this company and a disproportionate amount of pay compared to that ownership, because I realized this is a talent-based type of venture now, as opposed to I'm just running a website where people write. So I got very lucky that I found a business partner who is one of the most loyal human beings you could ever meet and generous as well is the reason I'm in the house I'm in right now. I got very fortunate to match up with that, because had I taken any of the offers that I had entertained along the way, I would be, nowhere near where I am, nowhere.
Speaker 2:That's wild. How big is the staff now? I would be nowhere near where I am Nowhere. Yeah, that's wild.
Speaker 1:How big is the staff now? Now it's 40. It started off the first yeah, the first day. The first day was actually like July 6th 2024. And it was me, uh, Jimmy, who owned the site, Vince Russo, who I didn't want to be on the site, but he had hired him without me knowing, july 16th it's 2024. Oh, 2016.
Speaker 2:Sorry, Okay we're good, we're bringing it back.
Speaker 1:Absolutely not 2024. Would never have anything to do with him now and Showdown Joe Ferraro. So there were really four people and then he had a parent company and then they would just kind of do work. In addition to that, they would like pick up some stuff. Now we have 40 people on staff, 40 people that submit invoices a month, including, I want to say, there are six to eight people full-time, including two that are on the admin side as well. So it's grown exponentially.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what kind of boss are you?
Speaker 1:Oh man, I've never asked anyone. So I had a boss at WhatCulture and he was the worst boss I ever had. And I specifically said if I ever become a boss, I will never be like him. I will never tell somebody you can't. I will try to offer constructive criticism or if they're not a right fit here, I'm never going to tell them, hey, you need to give up. I'm never going to say that, cause that's what was told to me.
Speaker 1:Um, and then when I was at wrestling inc, I had a boss that limited my income and I said you know what, unless I'm paying paying somebody a full-time wage, I'm not going to limit their income. They want to write here and there and there and there. I'm not going to restrict that at all. I'm not going to make anybody be just fightful because that's not fair, that's not, it's just and it's not okay to do so.
Speaker 1:I'd like to think in that sense I'm much more liberal than a lot of the other outlets that are out there, although that has become the norm in recent years, since we have just refused to say no, you're not exclusive here. You can write at wrestle zone, you can write at wrestling observer, you can do your own thing. I I don't care if, if you work for us and you get an interview and I pass on it, I'm like, no, I don't think that's a good fit here. I'm not gonna get upset if you put it on your own youtube. So, uh, very open. Uh, try to be as as transparent and honest with people as possible. But I would like to think that I'm a good boss. I haven't had any public complaints yet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've not had any public complaints yet, and I think after eight years, I think after eight years, that's pretty good.
Speaker 2:I think, as as someone that else that also owns things and has people, that if I don't make money, they don't make money.
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 2:What are the stressors of that? Because I lost my hair. So what have been your stressors in doing this?
Speaker 1:A lot of people think they can pitch me a podcast and it will make money because it's just under the Fightful banner. Not everybody is Will Washington, phil Lindsay and Righteous Reg where I get pitched that idea and I said I know that will make money. And not only did they know it would make money, because they offered me I think it was a rev share. Immediately they weren't like oh no, give us a flat rate. They're like we know this is going to make money and we want the rev share as a result of that. Everybody isn't that and that's that's okay, it's not. Those are three juggernauts in the podcasting wrestling world like it's okay to not be that, but you can't just slap a fightful logo on something and it be successful. So there are things that I have to look at that are outright money losers and then there are loss leaders. So there are shows on Fightful Select that don't make us money and if I got rid of them we would save a few hundred bucks a month. Then I'm like well, is it worth saving that few hundred bucks a month to not have this person a part of our team, not this topic covered, and not serve even the few people that they that like that? No, it's probably not. I can eat that cost, I can handle not making that amount more. But then there are some that are just like, well, this isn't making money, it's affecting algorithms, it's not good for the site, etc.
Speaker 1:There are certain personalities within wrestling that I say we don't need to cover, we don't need, we don't need their the bait of them very clearly going after this. So that's, that's a you know one of the things that we have to weigh and what sources to use or not to use. Those are some stressors. But as far as like managing personalities like, I've been fortunate that up until like that quite quite a far way in everybody kind of worked together. It's mainly just, it's mainly detractors outside a fightful, that kind of take aim and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:But really I don't pay them any mind because people who actually read the content, have media literacy, know where to follow news. Our track record speaks for itself. But having to tell people no sometimes does suck. Having to tell people no. It wouldn't make sense for us to put this interview up on this feed because it's not going to do any traffic and it will actually hurt our algorithm. That does suck because we used to be a very just like you want to do a podcast about the NBA draft on the main feed, go for it, I don't care. We had that ability, but now we have to be a little bit more concentrated in what we do, because we do have so much content.
Speaker 2:You really do, you really content, you really do, you really, you really do. And I think that's so amazing, we not?
Speaker 1:only have sorry to interrupt. We not only have the most paid content, we have the most free content of any wrestling website, which is something I take a lot of pride in wrestling is such an interesting thing.
Speaker 2:I I remember. I will always say I know the day I found wrestling it was 1996, stone cold. Steve austin was breaking into brian pillman's home, yes, and I was turning through the channels and I was like I'm sorry, what the hell is this? And that was it, but I became a wcw girl, which is a whole. When do you not work?
Speaker 1:sundays during football season, uh, so I I know I bring up football a lot, man shocker, this is my this is actually my bingles uh studio, but a couple years ago like I've been. But there was a period gosh, between 2014 and 2018, where there were two days I had not written an article or done a podcast over four years and my line of thinking was if I don't do it, somebody else will, and I do not recommend that for somebody else. I don't, but that's how I came up and my path led me to where I am. So I'm not recommend that for somebody else. I don't, but that's how I came up and my path led me to where I am, so I'm happy I took it, and those two days were my bachelor party and my wedding. Other than that, I worked every single day to some degree not now. There were plenty of days I worked 14 to 16 hours, but it wasn't like that every day. And then I started to delegate more and that was very important. I delegated social media to Kyler, who is a wonderful dude and he's grown our socials. I delegated day-to-day news writing to Jeremy Lambert and I delegated moderating and all that.
Speaker 1:But I want to say, about three years ago, after the pandemic, I was just like, yeah, I want to start going to some Bengals games. And then last year I got season tickets and I did that because it forces me to take a day off. I am not going to spend the amount of money that I spent on season tickets and then say, well, you know what? Hulk Hogan just took a dump out of a pickup truck going down the highway. I better stay home and write about it. No, I'm going to go to that damn bingles game. Somebody, jeremy, can write about hulk hogan taking a dump out of a ford ranger. I don't care. I don't care, um, but that is very important to me and I'm very fortunate because wrestling doesn't compete with the nfl anymore, which makes me very happy. But that's when I don't work, um, and during the school year my wife's a school teacher. I try to not work in the immediate hours following her school day because, she'll.
Speaker 1:She'll be in bed by 10, 10 30. So I can work later at night if I need to. I try to like have that, so I keep relatively normal office hours during the school year and then I'm working pretty late at night as well. But those are the windows I sort of open for myself.
Speaker 2:That's fucking crazy, but I know what the grind looks like. I used to do 12-hour days talking about trauma and writing and sex ed and all the things, and now I talk about wrestling things. So we've talked about the wrestling part. Let's get that over with. Something happened to both of us in the past two years and we both lost individuals that were really important to us.
Speaker 2:As someone that works in mental health, I've known what grief is. I'm a child of trauma. I've experienced grief, but something about my grandfather dying last year changed me and I have talked about it with people. There's a podcast with Jeremy Lambert and three of my other friends and we're talking about grief and losing people because all our parents died around the same time, which is fucking crazy, and grief is such a I always think of it as like a weighted blanket dipped in water and then they just throw it on you and you're like wait, and I know that was also a time for you to step away and you talked about it a bit um, what has grief look like for you? How was your relationship with your grandmother? I believed she raised you as mine raised me. Um, yes, what was that like for you?
Speaker 1:so I mean, uh, I had growing up great relationship with my mom. As I got a little bit older it was hit or miss. Now it's wonderful, but I was always a grandma's boy. I lived there for years. I lived there, um, after I needed to to kind of keep her company because she needed it, yeah, but um, she was the most important person in my life, the way that I like. We expected to have her another 10 years. We knew that she'd be battling dementia and it would be tough, but we expected to have her for a lot longer. It took a part out of me that I don't feel like can be replaced. We are three months after it happened and I don't know if it's fully hit me.
Speaker 1:It's and we are three months after it happened and I don't know if it's fully hit me. Um, it's, it's, and maybe absent of emotion, like I don't yell, I don't, I haven't cried yet, I haven't, I was just empty, that's. That's the best way I can explain. It is that I was empty and I went to see her so much in the spring and it's it's about an hour and a half trip to see her and I wish I would have seen her every day. But the last five visits I saw her get progressively worse and it was such a deep accelerator I mean to to show you how, like, quickly accelerated. I remember five visits. From the last one I was talking about going to Cleveland for SummerSlam, for work, and she joked and she said, sounds like a terrible job. And I love that because she knew how much I bagged on Cleveland. She knew how much, like as a Cincinnati sports fan, I would just bust balls over that.
Speaker 1:Then the next time I saw her she was just a little bit more frail. And then the next time she was in bed and the next time she was in bed and didn't talk, and then the next time she just didn't wake up when she was in bed. It got that progressively worse over two and a half weeks and the night, the last night, I saw her. I knew it was coming and I was sort of prepared for it.
Speaker 1:When my mom called me and she was so wonderful to, my grandmother took care of her in her last year I knew that's what she was about to tell me because, yeah, it's like we would call each other all the time, but it was just unusual, 6 pm on a Sunday, it's just, it almost hits you. It's like, well, yeah, we call each other all the time, but it's never happened. At 6 pm on a Sunday. I could tell something was going on, you know, and it just it made me absent of emotion, like I don't have it in me to be upset or angry or cry or anything like that right now. I don't. I haven't developed that have happened since then, where I'm certainly more subdued than I would have been three, four months ago. So empty is the feeling that I would indicate.
Speaker 2:Will you ever get out of it? The answer is yes. When will it happen? When you least expect it and probably in the most not fun place. Have you ever? Well, like in the sense of one of the questions, when we were talking about grief and I asked them, like where's the weirdest place, you cried? I said when I just sat down to pee, I just started bawling. My friend was a stripper and she was, like you know, when I started crying, doing a lap dance. They don't like that.
Speaker 2:Oh, no she said and then I cried on the pole I was like, but you know what, someone was into it. She's like I did get tipped.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, did she get any complaints.
Speaker 2:Nah, I mean, there you go. Her tits are out. What are they going to say? Fair, fair, here's a tissue and put those away. No as losing your person. How have you existed? I know when I lost my dad. So for those that don't know, I lost my grandfather to prostate cancer.
Speaker 2:He raised me. He was the man that I put men up to when I date them. I went to travel for work and I went on a speaking engagement. It was the best college keynote I ever did. I signed my contract for AEW and I got a phone call on the way home and I was like my family doesn't call me. What is this? And I asked the week before I had went and saw him and he just looks so weak, like it was someone I didn't know, and I made him take a photo with me that day and for some reason I also recorded part of that conversation. Something said do all the things.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that was the last time I saw him, really, really. But I got to ask him are you scared? It was the only time in life I've ever heard him say yes heartbreaking thing about dealing with dementia with my grandmother.
Speaker 1:She wasn't scared of anybody, anything I mean for listen, for anybody. That that's upset. That I talk shit back to you on twitter, it's her fault, I mean she. She was like she would shit talk non-stop if somebody was going at her. That you weren't winning that verbal battle. But she realized she was losing her mind. She realized she was losing her memory and the first time I heard her say it's scary I. That was like the biggest heartbreaking moment to me and I To me. That was the only solace that I took was that I knew that when she passed she wasn't scared anymore, because living in a perpetual state of fear of abandonment was what really made her upset, what really bothered her, because she had those abandonment issues For years. People would move in and out with her.
Speaker 1:She was the safe haven. She was home base. If anybody had a bad relationship, lost a job anything, they in and out with her. She was the safe haven, she was home base. If anybody had a bad relationship, lost a job anything, they'd go stay with her. That's just how it was. Her sisters, her grandkids, her kids, anybody and to me that was the only thing that made me feel a little bit's it's okay was because I knew that she would never be scared again in that sense because I lived for 30 plus years and never heard her say I'm scared. Then I heard her say it every single day um every single day.
Speaker 1:She said it and that was so humbling and it's just, it's very unusual to realize things that you don't even realize. Like, after she passed, I was slowly realizing every trip that I had taken, every if I would buy something at walmart, like she would be in the back of my head about the financial decision I was making, the trip I was taking, like, okay, but is somebody there with her? Is, am I going to have you know? I'm glad that I feel that way because that shows me that reaffirms that I did a good job and helped her the way that she helped me, and that was very important to me. That was the most important thing to me. That's why I wanted to succeed was to take care of her the same way that she had taken care of me in the past.
Speaker 2:I'm like shedding tears as I think about this, like it really is like one of those things. You don't cry, I cry so much. It's really good for my skin, though. Look at me, I look like I'm in my 20s, uh, but it's one of those things that it doesn't change and it hits you like you'll be walking on. You're like, oh shit yeah he really, he really done died.
Speaker 1:That's crazy, like I have those moments I have those happen every day and, like, I've lost a lot of people, like close to me, a lot of friends. And there's one person he was my best friend for about a year and we I wouldn't say we had a falling out, we grew apart, sure, but like we were only best friends for about a year and then we lost touch largely for the remaining five or six years of his life. He was involved in some stuff that I didn't want to be, but every fall I remember hanging out with him, every single day and then every fall, still, even though three times as much time has passed that he's been gone, as I knew him, I still think about him and I'm like, and he's really not here, that, like everything right now is like that with my grandmother, because it's every first. It's going to be my first birthday, the first Christmas, the first new years. Her first birthday immediately after was the first mother's day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, yeah, like it's. I'll go to the corner store and I'll see butter pecan ice cream that I hated. And now I'm like give me that butter pecan ice cream. That's what she, that's the only shit she had at her house. That's what I want. I didn't drink soda. I drink pepsi Zero now because she drank Pepsi and it makes me feel a little bit closer to her.
Speaker 2:I danced in my kitchen the other day, in my mom's kitchen, because the anniversary of his death this year. It's been a year my mom decided she wanted to go into kidney failure and so I had to go to the hospital and I parked in the same spot.
Speaker 2:I parked in the night when I rushed to the hospital that he died because there was no other parking. I was like who's fucking playing in my face? And so now she's on dialysis and she does it at night and we have to go and help her, which I am so thankful that I get to do. And there's this huge thing of my dad's face, because he was in the Air Force and every day I'm like you really just left me to take care of these people, because I got left to be in charge of everything and so, as someone that was there all the time in doing these things, how do you navigate the bullshit on the internet, these things? How do you navigate the bullshit on the internet and see, we get spicy? The bullshit of this person posting her.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, it's funny because the picture of her flipping off a camera, because I said it's national indigenous people's day, what do you think of Chris Columbus? And she said, fuck, chris Columbus. And I'm very proud of that picture. For that reason, I love that. I love it and I take solace in the fact that he believes he's the normal one.
Speaker 1:He had to scroll back 10 years on my personal social media to find that.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you, I've tried to do that on my own instagram and it's not easy, it takes a lot, it's not an easily searchable platform at all, uh. So I take solace in knowing that in him saying my time is worth something when we had a little tizzy, he has spent the last two days fielding people telling him that he is a loser because he is and like, ultimately, if you're going there, you don't have anything else to draw off of, and if you're remaining anonymous, in that sense you're not proud of what you're doing, what you're saying, or you're you're afraid. You're afraid that people that know you, uh, pretend to love you or work with you, are going to find out about what you say. So I don't take that much offense to it, I'm just like, listen, well, I draw some attention to it. I'll say, hey, yeah, here's this loser that did this, and then he's going to have a thousand people calling him a loser for the rest of his life. So if listen, if that's what you want to deal with, by all means go for it.
Speaker 2:But it doesn't usually work out Well. I think we should bring public shaming back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2:Really Just like, why not?
Speaker 1:I'm not saying you need to harm them, but like sure, and I understand that for a lot of people they think that I should rise above it. All that I disagree. I disagree. If you talk trash to somebody, expect to get it back. I don't say anything to about anybody that I don't expect to get back to them, regardless whether I tag them on Twitter or like if I were saying it to you off the air, I would expect it. I would expect that person to eventually hear about it and, uh, just treat people the way you want to be treated and if you mistreat me, probably just do the same thing to you Get backs.
Speaker 2:I love it. I love it for folks that have gotten through and gotten to learn more about you and they're like yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks for all that. Like how do you do this job? Like how do I get to do this work? I know people hit you up all the time yeah how do they get to be never sean but like? How do they get to be like sean adjacent?
Speaker 1:produce content, all of it, write articles, do interviews, do the transcripts, edit the audio, edit, edit the video, create the thumbnail. There's a reason why a lot of journalism programs in college are no longer journalism programs. They are multimedia journalism or convergent media, because they want you to know how to direct it, design the webpage, all that. You have to know how to do all of that because then you become a versatile hire. If somebody comes to me and they say, hey, I do a podcast, great, I can. If I wanted another podcast, that bad, I'd just do another podcast. I don't really need that Like. But if you can design logos, if you can transcribe, if you can do the interview on the podcast, edit and upload the audio, run and produce the video of it, then write an article about it, you stand a lot more of a chance of getting hired somewhere other than oh, it's me with Headlock Radio.
Speaker 1:Okay, great, there's a million podcasts out there. There are not a million people out there who can do all of those things to a competent level. Then when you do everything at a competent level, you can specialize, you can find out what you're really good at. There's a reason why I don't run Fightful social media. I would not be nearly as good at it. I'm good at my social media, not at Fightful's. There's a reason why I don't edit audio. I'm not that good at it. I know how to do it, but I'm not that good at it. I was able to cast a wide net, catch a fish and eventually zone in on that and focus on what it was that I was great at.
Speaker 2:Do you think people understand your job?
Speaker 1:No, and I say that because I didn't understand my job Whenever somebody's being a jerk to me. I remember back 14, 15 years ago when I was a jerk to Justin Labar, a guy who did work on WrestleZone and stuff like that, and the reason was I was jealous of what he had done. I was jealous that he had put the work in and was doing something I wanted to do, had put the work in and was doing something I wanted to do. And I'm very fortunate that he wasn't a jerk and instead he reached out and he goes hey, I see that you do some writing and it's very good. Why don't you focus on that more than what I'm doing? And I was like you know what? You're right, I'm being a little bitch.
Speaker 1:So the long and short of it is I stopped being a little bitch and I went and I did the work and now I like I'll help anybody. That's that seems like they have goodwill and do it in good faith and you just have infinitely more security. And it's. It's definitely tough when you're coming up and you're starting and you have like a thousand followers and somebody doesn't credit you for an interview or something, and that's understandable. But it took me a long time to become secure in that, but that conversation made me go from oh I'm going to be jealous to no, let me do the work.
Speaker 1:I was afraid of my own failure. I was afraid of my talent not being good enough and actually trying and putting myself out there and then not succeeding. That's ultimately what it was, and there's a lot of people that think they know how to do the job. They think they know all the elements of it. There are maybe five people on the planet in wrestling that truly there's probably dave melzer, mike johnson, john pollock, brandon thurston, ryan satin who isn't even in wrestling anymore, wade keller. There's you can count on less than two hands the people that really know how to navigate exclusive news and pro wrestling when people say pro wrestling's fake.
Speaker 2:Why are you wasting your fucking time? What do you say?
Speaker 1:okay thanks I guess I I don't give that a. Yeah, I don't give that a lot. There was so my other grandmother who passed away. I was there and this was years ago, and I got introduced by my aunt, who was big locally in the media, to an editor of the local newspaper. She goes oh, this is my nephew Sean. He covers wrestling. And that woman scoffed at me and then and she's like wrestling and she even said something like that's fake, I want to say about four years later she asked me to write a feature and I think I said something like I'm washing my hair that night. I can't do that, Sorry, not interested. Maybe you can find a middle school golf article that can go there instead. Good luck.
Speaker 2:But yeah, it was one of those things.
Speaker 1:Occasionally I'll find that, and then I'll find people who have been at it a very long time and they're like no, it's very cool that you were able to find your lane and your niche and excel at it, and that's what I think everybody should try to find is find that one thing you really specialize at.
Speaker 2:When's your next vacation?
Speaker 1:Christmas day Going to New York city on Christmas day because I'm an idiot. I'm still going.
Speaker 1:My wife has never been and she wanted to go. We're big, home alone, 2 fans. Uh, we are not staying at the that hotel that he was at. I wish we were, but it's too expensive. But we're actually are going to go to a wrestling show, we're going to go to the the msg show, but that's always a thing I've wanted to do since I was a kid. Yeah, and yeah, we're going there, we're going to go sightsee and all that stuff, but yeah, that will be a vacation. And then we will go to Orlando at some point to see a friend, because that's one of the few cities that Lexington flies direct to.
Speaker 2:We're wrapping up because life be lifin', but before we do, I have a few more questions, like two, um sure, within this space and everything that you do, what are you looking forward to for the rest of the year, or are you looking forward to anything?
Speaker 1:I'm looking forward to not flying that much, because the last few years I've flown an awful lot. I get to drive to an upcoming show next week. I don't have anything August, september, october. Until the end of November I fly to North Carolina, so I've got those pretty well cleared and then I do the little vacation at the end of the year. I'm actually excited to spend some time at home and enjoy that. This is the first time in a year and a half that I haven't had a pro wrestling match to prepare for myself, which is nice Look at you.
Speaker 1:I mean, listen, I ain't in great shape, but I was doing my best and I got to eat like a dumb ass the last three days and it's been great. But I I'm very much looking forward to not having to be in my head over that, because I feel like I've already had the two biggest matches that I will have. So I'm like, okay, good, don't, don't have to worry about that as much, but I'm looking forward to relaxing a little bit. More is hopefully what I'm looking forward to.
Speaker 2:Good, let's call that in. Let's get that rest energy so you can actually connect with self and ignore people. My last question of the show and I feel like you have a lot of options here what is the wildest thing that someone has texted, emailed or DM'd you in the last two weeks?
Speaker 1:I'll give you one that was earlier today. Oh, casual, apparently, we aren't allowed to run this because he was fucking high. I don't believe it.
Speaker 2:That sounds so fun.
Speaker 1:It was not fun, it it was. It was a thousand dollar text message. I'll say that much. It effectively cost us a thousand dollars that message I got itchy. I'm like I don't like that for you oh man, but you know it's not, it's not that big of a deal.
Speaker 1:But you know we were, we were kind of happy to do that thing I to do that thing to get this piece of information, uh, or article or interview or podcast. I won't clarify and I just want to say I dispute that text. I don't believe he was fucking high, I think. I think that person is being typecast, to be honest with you, so I'm not happy about it.
Speaker 2:You can't be typecasting people in these streets. This was fun. This was fun. I think I learned a lot about you, and that makes my heart happy, so I got what I wanted to hear, that Um, I'm sure folks know already, but if not, where can they find you? How can they give you money? We love that, Um and all the fightful select, fightful selectcom.
Speaker 1:It's $5 a month, if you like. Pro wrestling we report not just the most news but the most accurate news. I am very proud of, of our track record there, but that's and and fightful across the board. We are on every platform tiktok, instagram, facebook, twitter. We've got multiple youtube pages. I'm very proud of what we've created there well, we did it.
Speaker 2:We did the things. So again, thank you for taking the time to come and sit with the trauma queen, as they call me. That's crazy. Um, and until next time, folks.
