Trauma Queen
"The Trauma Within" is a weekly podcast hosted by Jimanekia, a Trauma and Sexual Assault expert, queer media consultant, and comprehensive sex educator. Join us as we normalize conversations about life's most challenging experiences, from sexual assault to mental health and beyond. Discover stories of resilience, expert insights, and a safe space for discussing some of life's most complex topics. Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/traumaqueen/support
Trauma Queen
The Trauma Within Navigating The Adult Industry and Finding Empowerment W/ Carly S
Do you have any questions, any comments about the episode? Jimanekia would love to hear from you!
What if trauma isn't just something to be overcome but an essential part of being human? Join us for an eye-opening discussion with Carly S, a pleasure educator, porn star, model, and blogger, as she takes us on her captivating journey through the adult industry. From her days managing New York's top sex toy stores to her influential roles at Spectrum Boutique and NASTOY, Carly opens up about the multifaceted world of sex work. We also share how our paths crossed through mutual admiration and explore how trauma has shaped Carly's unique outlook on life and work.
In our candid conversation, Carly addresses the unique challenges faced by non-white sex workers, highlighting the stark realities of rate disparities and societal perceptions. We explore the tricky dynamics of forming genuine friendships within the sex work community, balancing the fine line between survival sex work and voluntary participation. Carly also discusses her personal journey, sharing how she transitioned from dancing to mainstream jobs before finding her niche in the adult industry. This chapter is a powerful reminder of the resilience and determination required to navigate this complex landscape.
As Carly moved to a fully digital career during the pandemic, she found solace and strength in a supportive community, therapy, and meticulous organization. We discuss the emotional and logistical efforts sex workers put into fulfilling clients' fantasies while confronting societal taboos and financial penalties. Carly's story is a testament to the importance of community and self-care. Listen in as we celebrate Carly's achievements and her hopes for a future where sex work is less stigmatized and more equitably treated. This is an episode you won't want to miss if you're curious about the true intricacies of sex work.
Thank you all for listening. Set a boundary with yourself this week, set a boundary with someone else. If someone else does not respect that boundary. LET THEM LOOSE YOU! Stay hydrated internally and externally. We do not have an ashy family.
IG: @The_Trauma_Within
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@thetraumawithin
Jimanekia Ig: @Jimanekia
Carly S is the queen of wands, pleasure educator, porn star, model, blogger of dildo or dildo and a bad bitch from the Bronx. Nominated for the XBiz Sexpert of the Year 2023 and 2024, she's managed and has been the feature educator of some of New York's award-winning sex toy stores. You may have seen her teach at Exotica Cycles and Sex Sex Expo, read her work in Cosmopolitan Glamour Shape or heard her on countless podcasts. She is currently the product manager for Spectrum Boutique and manages NASTOY social media and PR, and has been a staple in the adult industry for over a decade. Y'all, I welcome Carly. All right, this is going to be fun. I think all of these are fun, but buckle up, because I feel like it's going to be a ride for us.
Speaker 2:My first question to everyone is who are you? It's a loaded question, it's easy. Everyone always goes bitch what I mean.
Speaker 1:I contain multitudes, so you know. I mean I am a blogger, I am a dog mom, I am I don't know. I I'm Carly, I am makeup instant on the internet, I run the blog dildo or dildo, and I do lots of different things in the sex toy industry. Right now I have my fingers in many different pots.
Speaker 2:Fingers and pots, we'll get there. Um, how did we meet? I always like to hear people's versions of it.
Speaker 1:Um, well, I had been following you online and I thought you were really cool. And you were like in the group with like Zoe Thangria and Dirty Lola, and I was like, oh cool, like I'll get to meet you, and you thought that we had already met already. Sounds about right. Yeah, I was like I'll get to meet you and you thought that we had already met already. Sounds about right, yeah, and I was like no, but I want to meet you because I think you're really cool. And you were like cool, let's smoke. And then we became BFFs.
Speaker 2:Cannabis bringing people together yeah, All these years.
Speaker 1:And then I was worried that you weren't going to be my friend anymore because I gave you COVID, because we both caught it at Amni.
Speaker 2:I don't think you gave it to me. Honestly, I know the exact moment I got it and it was not you.
Speaker 1:Good, I don't feel as bad now because I really wasn't. Chippin' Neek is going to hate me Because we were the only ones that got COVID, because these other people just have better immune systems. I don't know. I got COVID because of cannabis and not staying in my goddamn room.
Speaker 2:I mean same that was on me. What does trauma mean to you? What is trauma to you?
Speaker 1:I like to think of trauma now as like that extra spice that makes you interesting, because I don't feel like I know a single person that doesn't have trauma, and I just feel like it's the thing that makes people you know extra interesting at this point, because if you don't have trauma, what do you have to talk about, ain't it the?
Speaker 2:truth? I don't know.
Speaker 1:I love to just dive into a deep conversation with strangers. If people want to tell me their whole life story, I'm like, yes, tell me about how your uncle doesn't love you. I love to hear the gossip, tell me all of it, so as deep as people want to get with me, I'm here for it.
Speaker 2:So today we're talking about sex work and there are so many stigmas around sex work. We're going to talk about your journey, and there's so many things that I love doing these podcasts because, sure, I have relationships with all of these people. These people are my friends, they are my family for some individuals, but I feel like every time I have this conversation or these conversations, I learn something new. So this is also a gift for me, and I think that we're going to have some clarifying things, because people think what they be thinking. So for you, what is sex work Like? How would you describe sex work to someone?
Speaker 1:I would say that it's doing erotic labor for money. So it could be porn, it could be sugar babying, it could be full service escorting, it could be dominatrixing, it could be sexting. So any sort of like erotic labor for money is sex work.
Speaker 2:I was typing this question out, but I'll just ask Do you think more people participate in sex work than they think or acknowledge?
Speaker 1:one person and like they gave me money and we have this very specific arrangement, but you're giving them erotic labor, you're not in a relationship with them and you're getting money. So you're a sex worker, boo. Like sorry to tell you like, even if you don't want to claim it, like, that's fine, you can identify however you want. I'm never going to force a title on someone but like you know hate to break it to you, but like you're a sex worker, like to everybody else.
Speaker 2:Like yeah, yeah. Have you had those conversations with people?
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely, and it's. It's always interesting too, because there's always people on the other way where they're like I've had people that like work in sex shops, that are like I'm a sex worker, cause like I sell sex toys, and I'm like not quite, like this is not erotic labor, this is still retail. You don't touch anyone erotically. We keep the conversations pretty vanilla, like we're not dirty talking customers, customers.
Speaker 1:And if we were, a different story exactly like it would be a completely different experience. So like, when you keep these boundaries, you're not performing erotic labor, that you're just in a retail environment. So you're not a sex worker. And like there are, I'm sure, situations where you could do sex work and sell sex toys. Sure, yeah, I've kind of done that now, where I review the toys, I sell the toys and I make porn with the toys. So it's all encompassing. But if you're just selling the toys in the store and you're not doing anything else with it, you're not a sex worker.
Speaker 2:So it's lots of layers to this onion speaking of layers, how did sex work find you, or how did you find it? What is the journey of carly?
Speaker 1:I really wanted to date a couple, so. So, in the heyday of Craigslist, when they still had erotic services, I met this couple who wanted to explore with someone else. They were older, I was like 17. He was in his 30s. Should have been the first red flag Flag on the flag.
Speaker 2:Yes, I was like, oh, I'm so mature.
Speaker 1:He decided that why was I fucking people for free? I could be doing this for money and it made sense to me. I could be doing this for money and it made sense to me and he presented it as his whole business arrangement where he was going to drive me around and protect me and like, set up all these things and yeah, hindsight he was a pimp and when she would come with a black eye he would be like, oh, the baby fell on her or something like that and like, hindsight, he was hitting her. Because then he started hitting me. Um and uh, eventually I realized I can do this without him. He's taking my money and not even protecting me, because half the time that I would get into scuffles with clients he wouldn't even protect me. So like, why am I even paying him? So, uh, then I branched out on my own.
Speaker 1:But that's how I got into it was I met a shady older man on craigslist and he showed me about sex work, and then I just yeah oh, I made a lot of money, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, um, and like everyone has this notion of like the clients being really gross and disgusting, but like, honestly, the pimp was the problem in the situation. Like I met a lot of really great johns and people when I was doing it. Like I had a couple of problems and like bad stories that I could tell, but like, for the most part, I met lovely people who I who tipped well and paid me well. I paid through my college, that I paid my mom's bills. That way I moved out, that way I supported myself, that way with money to spare and really didn't have any issues besides the pimp, yeah.
Speaker 2:For those that may be listening and are like bitch, is this a pimp? Yeah, For those that like, maybe listening and are like bitch, is this a bit. How would you give them advice to get away from them?
Speaker 1:had like photos of me in compromising positions when I was like 17, 18, which he ended up posting on Craigslist with my phone number and like my dorm room that I had to go to campus security, and they were also not helpful. They yeah, they just showed the photos around and laughed about it and were just genuinely not helpful. Um, but honestly, the the most helpful thing I would say was like getting involved with um I. I got involved with a like a battered woman's clinic because they kept seeing me with bruises and they helped me get away and like really like, uh, get a new phone number and like, get a new bank account because, like he had access to all that when you were like navigating all of this, like did you have community?
Speaker 2:like did you have family? Did you have friends? Did people know or was it something? You're like I have this life and then I have this separate life.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, I, I had two separate lives. I was going to college, I was in the marching band, I was also working.
Speaker 2:What was your plan? I feel like we talked about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we did, because we had a tummy.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was playing euphonium. I was like going to school competitions I was in the women came from. I like had a whole separate life. That like looked like I was like you know, doing whatever.
Speaker 1:And the college that I went to they had the Office of Multicultural Affairs because it was a very white college. So basically anytime a minority went into that school, you got enrolled into that thing and, like you had a mentor, went into that school, you went, got enrolled into that thing and like you had a mentor and luckily, the mentor that I had, he was really amazing. He ended up, uh, getting murdered a few years after I left college because he, yeah, he became a porter at a hospital and he was getting Chinese food and he, someone like went to rob him of his sneakers and he gave him all his stuff and like went to say something and then the guy shot him but like was genuinely the nicest person would have given you the shirt off his back. Like this person shot him for absolutely no reason. Yeah, yeah, but like that was my community. Yeah, like Chris Murphy was an angel and like is now a literal angel.
Speaker 2:I'm sure chris is looking at you now like bitch.
Speaker 1:I see you yeah, he would be so proud of me because, like I was always the like, the weirdo, that like was always looking for a group of friends and like worried about like being able to find a job. And like now I have my own little niche in the world and like a group of friends that like understand me and I'm like, look at me, chris, I got my own little niche now. I love that you do.
Speaker 2:You do. We'll talk more about this as well. What do you think some of the biggest taboos around sex work are?
Speaker 1:some of the biggest taboos around sex work are no, there's a list. Yeah, there's a whole list. Honestly, like the one that's the biggest one to me is intelligence. I think that people think that when you do sex work, you're inherently stupid, because whenever I did it and I was telling people like, oh, I'm doing this to get me through college, I think that they thought I was lying. I was like, no, really, like I need to go buy books, like this is really to like pay off the dorms and like, do the college thing? Like my sex work money truly went to college and like that's where most of my sex work money went was to books and dorms and going back and forth to school and all that stuff. And but every time I said that like I don't know if it's because it's a like a trope, or like you're stripping through college or whatever, but like, yeah, no one ever believed that I was going to school. They're like you can read right, and I'm like, no, we cannot read. I'm probably smarter than you.
Speaker 2:Probably, probably While you were navigating this particular space. Do you think because you are not a little white woman, do you find that you were in different situations? Are people approach you differently? I do think that sex work is looked at differently if you are not white, I mean just existing in our bodies, and so did any of that ever come up?
Speaker 1:for you All the time.
Speaker 1:I think the biggest one was the rate disparity is that like thin white women can charge double, triple what I was charging, and I never lowered my rates to match, like what I was supposed to be charging. Um, and if you didn't want to pay that, then you didn't want to pay that. But I never lowered my rates. But people would always question me why I thought I deserve those rates and I was like, well, you paying them, so you clearly think I deserve them too. We are in agreeance. Yeah Right.
Speaker 2:What about like in the community of sex work? Right, Like when you weren't where we are at this age, did you have other sex workers that also you could communicate, navigate with?
Speaker 1:When I first started I had one friend starting out that like worked with me but she was chaos incarnate and she like wasn't really helpful. But like I gotta be honest, like it's really hard to get like friends in sex work, cause I feel like everyone thinks that you want to take money out of their pockets.
Speaker 1:And like it's always, been really hard to like make real friends in sex work, cause I feel like, at the end of the day, everyone's always trying to like screw you out of money and every time I've tried to like help people or like give them like contacts or support or free toys or whatever, like they always end up screwing me over in one way or another. Yeah and uh, I have stopped doing that and stopped like. I have a couple friends that do sex work now, but now I really don't try to make friends because, uh, everything has shown me that it does not work.
Speaker 2:Where you are today. We're going to go back and forth when you are today. Do you ever look back and go? I wasn't doing the thing that I actually thought was best for me. I was just doing this for survival, or were you like nah, I like this job? I think there's also the idea of all sex work is survival sex work? And, as people I know, know some people just like to do it Like they're, like I'm fucking for free. Might as well get a check, you know, might as well get some money out of it. Did you ever have those thoughts?
Speaker 1:There was definitely nights where, like I had made my money and like I wanted to go home and I was done, and then he would be like well, what about my cut? And those were nights that I would like have to keep working for. Like, and that felt more of like survival work. And like nights where, like he would fight me on the street or like drag me by my hair down the street and like those nights definitely felt like survival work or like he would try to get me to, like, actually walk the strip, which was not something that I did more than once or twice, um, but for the most part, like it, I wanted to do it and I was happy doing it and fine doing it most of the time.
Speaker 2:When did the blog start?
Speaker 1:The blog started about a decade ago, when I started working for a store and I was teaching workshops and I wanted to be able to have like something for people to be able to reference when they went home. That was mine that I owned.
Speaker 2:Was it because you didn't see, like I, when I got into the sex ed industry, I was like I'm not reinventing the wheel, but like I'm adding to it. Was it like that? And you were like I don that. And you were like I don't, you're not speaking to you're not speaking to me, so I'm gonna create the thing that speaks to me yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:Um, part of it was that I didn't love the way other people were writing their reviews, because I kept seeing them be like I hated this toy because it didn't work for me and I'm like that's not really helpful.
Speaker 1:Um, because everyone is different, and like the way that I like to write a review is like here are the positive things about a toy, here are the negative things about it, and like now you can make a decision if you want to use it, and like that's the information that I'm always looking for, so that's the way that I'm always looking for, so that's the way that I present it, and like I think that I also think of things that maybe, like a thinner person wouldn't think of, like the accessibility of the toy, the buttons of the toy Cause of my nails, like how, how easy is it to press, how easy is it to charge, how easy was the box to open, like stuff like that. Like so there was definitely unanswered questions and there was definitely just like I didn't love the style of reviews that were really popular at the time.
Speaker 2:That makes sense to me, types of sex work. Can you kind of walk us through how you went from this pimp who we hope he chokes on a dick forever, whatever, and how did you transition to where you are today?
Speaker 1:He was in New York. I was in Pennsylvania going to school. He had done the thing where he posted those photos of me. I like changed my number and like opened a new account with the help of that like uh dv clinic. And then I like dropped out of school for a hot second because, like everything was too much because it was him. It was like an abusive uh person I was dating at the time. That was like compounding stuff. And then he had gotten arrested and he was like oh, I want you to come see me in jail. And I was like absolutely yeah. I was like no, and then he violated parole for the last time. So, for all assumptions, I assume he's in jail because, like he was on his last strike and then violated parole. So like presumably he ain't getting out. And then I was like dancing for a while and then I was like you know what? I don't want to keep doing this. I got a job at starbucks they got insurance yeah, yeah, yeah that.
Speaker 1:And they had 401k where they matched it, like that was how I bought my car, like it helped me like build up my credit and whatnot. Uh, and then I went back to school and, um, I got a job at a harley davidson doing events and marketing, because what I thought was that people that ride motorcycles are going to be open-minded like leather people. And they are not.
Speaker 2:They are like the leather, tricked your ass it really did.
Speaker 1:I really thought I got there and they were all racist and sexist and homophobic and I was like oh, this is what I expected. Yeah, yeah so I will get harassed there, and I was like this is not fun either. And then I started looking for new jobs and I got a job as a supervisor at a sex shop. And then I was like, oh, I'm really good at this. And then I just kept building on that. Now, here I am.
Speaker 2:So tell the folks, because you do a lot. Yeah, I really want y'all to go look up Carly's work because you've probably seen it in a billion places. Yeah, stolen and not. So tell us where you are today, I know, but like you are, you really got them little fingertips in all the places. So where are they?
Speaker 1:Well, I do customer service and product management for Spectrum Boutique. I do social media and copywriting and outreach for Nasstoys. I just got a new contract where I'm going to be doing the copywriting and, um, like setting up the social media for California fantasies, which is a new company, so watch out for that. Um, what else do I do? Um, I write for experts sometimes. Uh, I, yeah, I freelance write a lot. So, like you, you've probably read my writing and publications of various things. Uh, what else do I do? I do a lot of things that I forget and then I remember it. I'm like, oh yeah, I have to do that thing.
Speaker 2:You've shared a lot of like writing and things. Are you still involved in sex work? I think you mentioned like I also use my videos in porn. What does that look like?
Speaker 1:yeah, so I still I do content creation, I still am active on social media. And then um, for a while I was making regular porn where it's just like you know, stepbrother, or like stuck in the washing machine or whatever like wait, no, how dare you try to run past?
Speaker 2:no pause, stuck in the washing machine. I need an elaboration. My favorite genre of porn I've never heard, please, please, share. What does that mean? Are. Are there an actual one?
Speaker 1:So like yeah yeah, yeah, like stuck is like a whole genre of porn, so like someone will get stuck in like a predicament situation and then their butt is like up and like people will do sexy things to them, and like people get stuck in washing machines all the time.
Speaker 1:I just think it's so funny I need everyone to go look up this um, and I've gotten to shoot it at like airbnbs that we've been at because they've they've had like the right kind of washing machine. But I just feel like it lends itself to like the perfect dirty talk, because it's so campy and funny, it's like it's just so ridiculous. It's like, oh, your clothes aren't gonna get clean, or like you know what I mean, like it's just so ridiculous what makes the perfect washing machine?
Speaker 1:oh, it's that. It's like low enough that you can lean on it, but but it's a top loader, so then you can like lean in it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, not getting getting your head ripped. Exactly, that's safety. Safety, yes, exactly.
Speaker 1:You gotta find the right kind of machine, okay.
Speaker 2:Hold on, I need a minute for that. I love that, okay, what? What other kind of film work or whatever else are you doing?
Speaker 1:I stopped doing all of that. So my content was 100% just like photos of me from photo shoots and like in-use toy reviews. And what happened was when I went viral on TikTok, some man sent me a message and was like your content isn't what I expected. It's not worth the $5. And I was very offended at first.
Speaker 1:How dare you and then I was like what do you mean? It's not what you expected. Because, first of all, I put exactly what I have in my little header description and I'm like it says what it's going to be there. But because all of my content is educational, he thought it was going to be like educational porn and like I was like, oh, I could do that, Like that's easy. And now I like don't even have to put makeup on because they really just want to see me like use the toy and then tell them if it was good or not. And I'm like that is so easy and amazing and I can do that all day long because I get so many samples of toys I know you do, yeah, so like never-ending content options and like everyone I'm happy, they're happy and like amazing.
Speaker 2:So you do make videos using them, and then you're like talking while you use it.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I'll talk. At the beginning I'll be like here's the toy, this is what it is, now I'm going to use it. Then I use it. Sometimes I'll do some foreplay and then at the end I'll be like would recommend or would not recommend, and then I'll be like you can go into my other bio for a link to it.
Speaker 2:And into my other bio for a link to it and then hopefully they use the link and then I get an affiliate payout from that. So I'm catching up and I'm going. Yes, you better be a business lady. Okay, smart, exactly, you are smart. What have been the ups and downs in sex work and the sex ed industry? Because sure, they go like this, but also there is a separation.
Speaker 1:I mean it's pretty together because of all the credit card processing issues, like with SESTA-FOSTA they don't want to let any of any of the websites use any of the credit card processors. So constantly getting banned from websites like thinking you're going to get kicked off of only fans or getting kicked off of whatever, like porn hub. I used to be monetized on porn hub. They don't let you do that really anymore. You can't really sell on there. Only fans has banned like half of the content. Like you used to be able to do so much more. Now you can't even like on there. Only fans has banned like half of the content. Like you used to be able to do so much more. Now you can't even like smoke a joint on there. Like just they just keep banning stuff. And like it's the same thing with with um with sex toys like we can't sell cbd and sex toys. You can do either or there's just so many like arbitrary rules.
Speaker 2:Yeah that is weird yeah for you personally, what have been your highs and loves?
Speaker 1:I mean highs for me is definitely anytime I get offered any of these jobs is a high for me. Anytime someone is trusting me and thinking like, oh, carly is going to do a really good job. It feels really amazing for me getting recommended for, uh, sex part of the year. Twice was amazing, like being recognized, as that feels really really good.
Speaker 1:Um, and Lowe's was uh, you know the pandemic and like the shops closing and like not really knowing what was going to happen before I ended up transitioning to 100% digital. Um, because all of my work was in person before I really did all this and um, while I did blog, like I didn't do any of this other stuff. So like, like I had the capacity to do it, but I wasn't doing it before and I didn't know I was going to be able to build this into like a viable, like livable job. And it was scary. I was like cause, at the beginning of the pandemic I was, I was camming like 12 hours a day. How it was so boring, it was so boring, it was so boring. I have some really funny screenshots of some of the comments that people would make Cause, like I would just do random makeup and one time I was wearing like dark makeup and someone was like you look like a slutty vampire. I was like you're, like I'll take it, I'm not mad at that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're like yeah.
Speaker 1:I'll take it, not mad at that. Yeah, you're like, is that an insult? Because I'm in, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think it's an insult, so thanks you mentioned earlier that, like where you are now, like you found your people, like you have people what does that look like for you? What does community look like now?
Speaker 1:uh, being able to send memes that I think are funny, yeah, yeah, and people not be like what the hell is wrong with you? Um, being able to have like random parties. Like I'm gonna hold a summerween party this year and everyone is excited for it summerween.
Speaker 2:I know, go ahead elaborate, you don't have questions. The hell is summerween like halloween, gravity falls.
Speaker 1:They do summerween because they love halloween so much they do it twice a year. Okay, okay, I was like I'm gonna do. I love a thematic party, so I'm going to host my own summer ween party and everyone's excited and I'm like my people, my people, so you know people that are excited about, like a thematic party, people that are excited about that stuff, just like people that are excited about the same things I am, and like like having friends, that friends that I can talk about work and they're not bored or over it.
Speaker 2:Hmm, where'd you find these people? I think I, you know, I find people that are like the older I get, the harder it is to make friends and relationships, and I'm like I've been telling people I don't want to talk, I want to be left alone. So what does that look like for you? Like, how have you found these individuals?
Speaker 1:um, honestly, I found them all through work at this point and then through friends of other friends. So, like if, if I, if you have a friend that you're like this person's cool, then I trust you and we hang out and they're cool then like we're friends. Now, like I'm just grabbing friends of my other friends at this point Because I've tried to go to like crafting nights and crafting things and like make other friends, but like it's really hard, especially when you work in these types of industries, because like you can't be like so you want to hear about this Deldo that I got in the mail. Like because it's hard to like just talk about like your job, because I can't even just scroll through the pictures on my phone because there's boobs in there, like a lot of titties yeah yeah, so you know it.
Speaker 1:Like I try to like make vanilla friends, but like I feel like they're more just like wow, this is so interesting, that's so weird, but like they don't really get it. So like finding people like in the industry that like have the same job, that like get it, are the the only way to really make friends like this what do you think would surprise people the most about you?
Speaker 1:um, that I have an expansive pinterest board that's incredibly organized and broken down into little micro sections. Okay, yeah, yeah. So like it'll have like a dinner board and then it'll be broken down into like pasta or pork or chicken or so if I really really need inspiration, I can like go in there organization.
Speaker 2:Where did you find her? How does that help your brain with?
Speaker 1:I have a row and like like there we are here we go.
Speaker 2:I'm very, give us your what's your big three for the queers it's virgo, cap Scorpio, yeah, so I'm very organized.
Speaker 1:I am sad and I am chaotic.
Speaker 2:You're just a cute little emo kid, listen. Yeah, basically I get it, I get it, I get it. While you've been doing this work, what has your mental health looked like?
Speaker 1:It fluctuates definitely. I've recently gotten into therapy.
Speaker 2:Oh I love.
Speaker 1:Right. It was harder because my mom was a therapist when I was growing up and she herself. I didn't know that mom was a therapist when I was growing up and she herself, yeah, she was a social worker and a family therapist and all that good stuff, uh. And if you don't know when someone is a therapist, sometimes they want to therapize you. Like I know a lot of the therapy words and I can ask myself these questions. So for a long time it was hard for me to want to go to therapy because I'm like I can ask myself these questions. But even if you can ask yourself those questions, it's still nice to have someone to, like you know, check you and like be on the outside looking in. So it's been helpful, especially like to have someone that, like you can tell and like we'll call you on the bullshit. So it's been good.
Speaker 2:We're good girlfriends over a lovely green plant. We're earth humans. Where did you find your connection to cannabis and how has that shown up as you have navigated these spaces? Cause now, like the last of it, cannabis is coming more entwined with sex and with the sex industry.
Speaker 1:Here's a funny story. I didn't smoke pot until college.
Speaker 2:I didn't smoke till I was 30. That's even more impressive. People go what I'm like. I had questions. Nobody with a suitcase was going to answer my questions. That go what I'm like. I had questions. Nobody with a suitcase was gonna answer my questions.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying because my mother, like she, was a social worker. She was a drug treatment social worker. So when I went to high school, my mother was the one that would send kids to like the drug treatment center. So, needless to say, no one wanted to do drugs with me they're like, they're like, we're not with you so no one would do drugs with me.
Speaker 1:So even though I wanted to tripod, everyone was like, ah, you're gonna tell your mother. So, uh, I didn't try anything until I got to college and even then I really only wanted to tripod because my mother got into social work with drugs, because she herself was someone who was using drugs, who got clean and then decided to help other people. So when I was growing up, we also, like I grew up going to NA meetings and AA meetings and whatnot, so I heard what could happen to you when you did some drugs and like I was not interested scared straight program yeah, for real.
Speaker 1:Yeah, going, going to those things when you're real little was like yeah yeah, and then the person that I dated in college had a very, very bad problem. They were what uh people like to call a trash can addict. Basically, if you, uh, if you have it, they will do it. He smoked crack a couple times and would come home and then like take all the rent money and disappear into philadelphia. So, uh, I would smoke pot and that'd be it, and I'd be like I'm good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, crack is not for me. You go live your life.
Speaker 1:But I have really really bad ADHD, which I did not realize until I got older. But pot really makes my brain slow down and instead of a million racing thoughts it's only like five or six racing thoughts Manageable, yeah, so it's really nice, it slows me down.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Interesting See, I'm learning so much right now as are these individuals. What do you think about the combination of the sex industry and cannabis?
Speaker 1:I think it's really great. I think it can have a lot of really positive effects on libido, on sensation, on pain and sex, on like wetness and sex, on all kinds of different things, on people that maybe have like cancer or any sort of other issues. There's like a lot of really practical uses for cannabis and sex yeah, they've had like a few like cannabis lubes out.
Speaker 2:They're what is that one? The vibrator? That's also a wee pin that we were looking at the vapor.
Speaker 2:That's wild to me still, but y'all can send me one. Um. It's so interesting to like see this arc of who you are and it to see you on this side of it of being like try me if you want to, um, which brings me to safety. As we know as being people with breasts and individuals with vaginas, we are constantly in harm in harm's way. Last week, you and I were talking about this. Okay, chris, you're gonna cut out this next statement. We know my girls is getting boob-bopped in New York. Okay, we're gonna come back. So last week we were talking about the harm that happens to you know folks that identify as women in general totality, no matter what your genitals look like, and like safety. What do you think safety has looked like for those in the in the industry, and do you think that these laws that people are putting into play are actually keeping people safe or causing more harm?
Speaker 1:They're definitely causing more harm because they're not listening to any of the people that are actually in the industry. Everyone that is in the industry can show all kinds of statistics about decriminalization and why having proper banking will protect people, why having proper banking will protect people, and like we can show stats all day long of like why these things will protect more people. And the moral majority doesn't care. It's, it's a morality thing, it's not. It's not a safety thing.
Speaker 2:They don't actually care about safety which is wild because, as we know, there's people out here and there's some airbrush t-shirts. I'm sorry, I'm confused at what's happening outside my home, but I think that there's just the idea of what safety actually is versus what people want to put into play, and thinking about sex. Work is one of the oldest and most used industries out here. If you look at all of the harm that has caused, all these newfound or newly shared stories of harm that has happened. It's all about power, it's all about money, and the exchange of power and money is sex work, and so why is it that people are so afraid to have these conversations? Why do you think people go oh no, I can't look at it, but are participating in it.
Speaker 1:Or, you know, in such denial of it, look at it but are participating in it or, you know, in such a denial of it, I think, because, at the end of the day, it's just a puritanical society and that, as much as they want to think that we're just this, like oversexed, like community or like society, that we're not and that the vast majority of people are conservative and that, even if it's not even the vast majority, those are the loudest people and those are the people that are going to be heard and those are the people that have the most power. Unfortunately, and until we can get more people in power that have some sort of like law making or changing ability, like the loudest people are going to be the only ones heard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, If there are. This is where you get to show up and show out. If there are individuals that have thought about sex work, are newly into sex work, what kind of advice would you give to them if they were like hey, Carly, I think this is what I want to do. I am 18. I'm ready.
Speaker 1:It depends on what kind of sex work they want to get into. I would just say the one thing is to know that the internet is forever. So anything that you're putting out there, just know that, like grandma, grandpa, cousin, friend, they can find it, no matter how secret you think it is. You got a mask. Whatever you're geoblocking locations, you think that people can't tell. Just treat everything as if people already know. Because I think that the biggest thing is that, like people are like, oh, I'm going to get found out. And if you treat it as like there's nothing to be found out and you can go into it like that, then you're already a step ahead of it, because if you're going into it with the fear of that, then it might not be the thing for you.
Speaker 2:You mentioned something before. Like you had good stories, you had good Johns and you had bad stories when the bad times did happen, because people are shit. What made you keep going back? Was it the money?
Speaker 1:What was it? It was definitely the money. It was definitely the money. Even now, that's what keeps my OnlyFans open. Like I say this to everybody OnlyFans only works if you have fans, and while I don't have a ton of fans, I got a couple of them and it's not paying my rent, but it's paying my light bill and that, you know, is something it's nothing to sneeze at. I'm not someone making a million dollars on OnlyFans, but like it's, it's enough to pay a bill a month and that's good. So bills gotta get paid and it. It was always the best way to make not easy money, but quick money.
Speaker 2:Cause what is easy money.
Speaker 1:I wish someone would tell me, cause I hate when people are like, oh, it's easy money. I'm like, oh, you think this is easy, it's quick money. There's a lot of things you can do for quick money, but easy money, please, please, tell me what easy money is. I would love to find that.
Speaker 2:I think that is also another taboo. Why would I pay you for sex? It's not actual work. Let's really remind folks that it is work. What comes in the encompassing of sex work? It's in the title, so what? What actually comes in it that you would be able to push back on? You're like, actually, here's the thing not only like let's.
Speaker 1:Let's say we're talking about escorting right now. We're talking about full-service sex work, all of the work of like keeping yourself like visually attractive for people. So like nails, eyebrows, lashes, makeup, clothes, exactly any sort of like aesthetic stuff that you have to do to make yourself look the way you look in the pictures. Because if you show up there and like you have your hair in a bun and leggings and you don't look made up like the photos, you're not going to get that rate. That's, that's bottom line.
Speaker 1:And then you're you're paying, they're paying you to to do an experience. You're not going to go in there and be able to do whatever you want in this date. So like you're going in there to basically enact their fantasies. So whatever that is it's a massage and then whatever, or dinner and then a shower and an overnight so you're not leading the ship, you're just enacting whatever you're booked for. So like you have to visually look this way. And then you're like making someone's fantasy happen. So you're making this whole fantasy thing happen. So that's what they're paying you for is to make their fantasy happen yeah.
Speaker 2:is there anything else you want to leave with individuals that are like, oh, I didn't know, all of this was a thing in sex work, Like I never thought about all this. Look at you. You had to be included, didn't you?
Speaker 1:Yeah he was crying, I was like oh no.
Speaker 2:What do I repeat the question? Yeah, he was crying. I was like, oh no, bubba. What do I repeat the question? Yeah, what would you like people to really know and take away from understanding what sex work is and like, just in general, what do you want people to know about sex work?
Speaker 1:I think the thing that I want people to know about sex work is that it's never just sex. Even if you think that it's just filming sex or having sex, it's never that simple. That's just what you're seeing and there's always work behind it that goes into it, whether that's setting up the camera and editing the videos, or all of the prep work that goes into whatever you're doing, or the screening of the clients and getting to the appointment and making sure everything that you need for that session is there. Like. What you're seeing is like one eighth of what's actually required for this work.
Speaker 2:It's, it's so much more yeah, and also I think there's the idea of you can do sex work and do so many things right, like you are literally a testament of, like hello, I'm booked, I'm busy and I'm out here, and that makes my heart so happy to know that, excuse me that you get to do the things you want to do now. You get to, like, actually pick and choose where your energy is going. Are we still doing it to make money? Yes, because it's the first. As we said, I like lights, I like shelter and that is my favorite thing right now I like to be in my house. We are in the year of 2024. What do you hope? Changes for the sex industry, for sex work Like what would you love to see change?
Speaker 1:I would love to see the banks stop penalizing all of sex work, and that's from the sex workers all the way to sex toy companies across the board, all the way to sex toy companies across the board because they're really just giving in to these religious zealots and they're hurting their own pockets and I just don't understand who it's helping. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean. It's always interesting to me that the people that are the angriest.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's always interesting to me that the people that are the angriest are the people that use the services the most. So really, are you angry or are you trying to cover up your bullshit? Yeah, very true. The acclimation, for me, is One of the last questions. Actually, the last question I have of the show is one of my favorites Because, as you said, I'm also newsy. Last question I have of the show is one of my favorites because, as you said, I'm also newsy. Um, what is the wildest thing? Someone has texted or dm'd you in the last two weeks. I know it's gonna be good.
Speaker 1:I know it's gonna be good too so I won't name names, but somebody sent me a picture that they had received of a dick, picture that had a happy face, like right on their pubic mound. That I don't remember if it said like thank you or whatever, but I was like that is a crazy tattoo to get. I want to see what it looks like when they're not shaved. So I was like text them now and ask them if they have a picture of that.
Speaker 2:Thank you, yeah, I like that. I kind of want your welcome, right.
Speaker 1:You're welcome, but I want to see what that happy face looks like when he's hairy. Would it be covered? It depends on how bushy that person is.
Speaker 2:That person looked like they weren't that hairy. How big was it?
Speaker 1:Was it like little? Or did it like, oh, it covered like a good chunk of that pubic mound. I was like that is a choice.
Speaker 2:And like as a choice tattoos.
Speaker 1:I was like that is a choice what is the wildest tattoo you have?
Speaker 2:or people what is the tattoo, because I know you tatted what is the tattoo that people go wait what the most?
Speaker 1:um, probably the, the rabbit tattoo, the sex toy rabbit, really Out of everything, right, yeah, people think the magic wand is a microphone and I don't correct them.
Speaker 2:You'd be like I do be singing yeah, musical. Thank you, this was so fun for me. I love doing these talks. Um, tell the guys, the girls, they them. They says everyone where they can find you, where they can get in your business, where they can throw you money.
Speaker 1:uh, give us all of that uh, I am makeup and sin on every platform. So if you look on Instagram, on TikTok, on Twitter, on Pokemon Go, you will find me on makeup and sin. So that's, even if you want to throw me some dollars on Venmo or Cash App, makeup and sin. Anytime a new platform opens, I grab makeup and sin because that's my thing. If you want to check out my blog, it's dildo or dildont and from there you can also find my spicy content, if that was something you were interested in finding as well.
Speaker 2:Spicy education. I love that. I love that. Well, thank you, y'all, buckle up. We're continuing this magic on the next episode You'll see, thank you.
